I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
