fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
