Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
