Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize