remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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