You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize