You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
