i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
