it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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