Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize