I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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