2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
