walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
