He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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