Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
