Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
