Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
