I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
