our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
