I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
