Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? šš
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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