There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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