is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
