not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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