pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
