The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
