I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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