...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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