Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Porn is love you can see.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize