one might say we're banned from that church
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
