I looked at my own cervix.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
