wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize