he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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