I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
