Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
