So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
