Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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