i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I party with great urgency now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
