went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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