His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize