If i come over, it means nothing
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
