I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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