Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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