at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
