hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
