There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
