So drunk its hurt
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
