He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
