I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize