I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
