Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
