I need help removing her.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
