its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
