I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
