your thong is hanging out like whoa
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
