i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
