Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
