we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
