You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
