It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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