Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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