I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
