Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
