dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
