just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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