You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
wow bdsm is so cute
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
