got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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