I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize