We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
