I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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