I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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